yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
