We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
