So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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