he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
