Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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