I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
