The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Life is so much better after having sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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