never play flip cup with pint glasses
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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