every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
