I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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