I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
