You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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