The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
