Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
