Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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