Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
