today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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