Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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