o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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