You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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