We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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