wrigley field is MILF paradise
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
