I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
