Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
