whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
only you would photoshop your dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
