9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
