Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
