apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
