i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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