I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
