not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
