she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
