I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
