I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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