When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
