is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
