I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize