take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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