I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
