woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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