He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
