I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize