From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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