im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
