you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
