Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
