Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im part way to drunk.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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