So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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