I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
