Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
