Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
