Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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