I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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