i don't like sucking hair
I hate all girls vehemently.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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