I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
